Eunice Kennedy Shriver and Loving the Family You've Got

Eunice Kennedy Shriver left a mark for special families all around the world.

Her famous family is blessed and plagued, committed to public service and battled by demons. Her siblings included Rose Marie Kennedy, born two years before her, who she never met. “Rosemarie” or “Rosie” had been institutionalized and because of the limited medical information and the social stigma at the time, she had been lobotomized. As of today, two children of Joe Kennedy, Sr and Rose survive, Senator Edward “Ted” Kennedy and Ambassador Jean Kennedy Smith. Three of her eight siblings had no children

But the reason why her life is important to this subject is because she turned her energy toward other families struggling with the reality of family life: that dreams of children and family don't always come true, at least not the way they do in fairy tales. Couples don't always get the children they imagine they will get, if they get any children at all. Eunice Shriver worked to support families with disabled children, leaving a great legacy of the Special Olympics. Her contribution to their lives is immeasurable. Their lives are challenging in ways most of us can only imagine. The cool cat musician parent may struggle with the athlete child, the PhD parent may struggle with the one who excels at physical and technical labor. The party mother has a straitlaced child, or the other way ‘round. The medical doctor’s child grows up to fall into an abyss of drugs and substance abuse.

Or the career driven woman, whose body never failed her before, falls for a family man. She surprises herself with dreams of having his children. Instead she finds herself grieving for the perfect imaginary children who will never exist. Their names are Eileen Elizabeth and Sean Michael.

It’s awkward to grieve for the child you never had, no matter what the situation. If there is a miscarriage, there’s no ritual outlet, like a funeral. Offerings are stilted and unsure. If it’s never existed except as an idea, there is even less to say. People try to fill in, impromptu, which can make matters worse.

One answer is to create your own ritual to grieve your loss. Include traditional symbols if you need to: an identified, sacred space, flowers, an item you were hoping to pass on to the next generation, whatever else you need. A spiritual, although pagan, link with steps to take is here. In addition, many people throw energy into helping others, whether it is other couples through Resolve, or children through foster care, or Special Olympics. There are many ways to give.

As for Mrs. Shriver, the Houston Chronicle says this: even with the family’s service in international affairs, health care, and other important issues of the day:

In 1993, U.S. News & World Report paid Shriver what is perhaps the highest compliment. Assessing her work with the Special Olympics, the newsmagazine concluded that her efforts on behalf of the mentally disabled could well be the most enduring legacy of her generation of the Kennedy family.